


Drowning [Rafael Barba]

by law_nerd105



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Men Crying, Some kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28245729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/law_nerd105/pseuds/law_nerd105
Summary: He was drowning in pain. He had nothing to show for the life he had built. And he found slight comfort in your arms.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Reader, Rafael Barba/You
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Drowning [Rafael Barba]

Rafael stood on his balcony. He had the perfect view of the city from where he stood. He rested his arms on the railing of the balcony, a warm glass of scotch in his one hand.

It was dark outside, night, around ten. But the night sky was hidden from view by the thick clouds hovering above the city. But at least he could see the city. He could see the flickering lights of the buildings in the distance. The cold wind blew into his face, sending shivers down his bare arms.

In the distance, he could hear the chatter of his neighbors, their music playing as nothing more than a softly set white noise.

He was too focused on the city to notice anything else at that point. He felt so at ease whenever he stood in the night to look at the city. The city lights made out the shapes of the buildings. He took a deep breath.

Where had his life went so wrong?

Whenever he gazed into the night, at the city, he always felt a sense of pride. He could always look back on the life he had built for himself and be proud. Yet he always wanted more. The city made him feel that way.

As a younger boy, he used to look out at the cityscape and want the world. He'd want it all. He dreamed of the life that he now owned. And suddenly, it wasn't that easy anymore.

The wind picked up, blowing his muse and oily hair to the side. The scotch burned now. His throat was raw from screaming. He was tired. He'd finally had enough.

He had this successful life that he'd always strived for. He used to be power hungry, thriving to succeed. Because he wanted everything. Now, New York City knew his name, and what did he have to show for it?

He was alone. He had no friends outside of work. He had nothing to show for the hurt he's caused everyone around him, because he had gotten selfish. Whether he wanted to believe that or not.

He always prided himself on the fact that he was morally set. He was good person, but was he really? He was bitter to his coworkers when he was having a bad day. He always wanted more. He was stubborn, sometimes to a point where people would avoid having a conversation with him.

Rafael Barba was a District Attorney. And that's all he had to show for himself. He wanted New York. He had New York. And it still wasn't enough for him.

His empty glass hit the floor, shattering into a million small pieces. It hurt. Everything hurt. Years of pain was kept bottled up inside of him and the glass was finally overflowing.

He was swimming alone in an ocean of his own misery. He was hurting. He was hurt. And as the tears of self pity streamed down his face, the tightness gripping at his chest, he looked for a way out.

He sank to the floor crying. Crying for the first time since he was a little boy. He shook as the emotions washed threw him. Years of pain spilling out of him and he had no idea what to do. He held his face in his hands.

He sobbed, shaking as he let it all out. He muffled a scream behind his hand. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it have to hurt so much?

He pulled his knees up, his arms draped on his knees. He hung his head low as he cried. His eyes shut tight as the tears streamed down his face and he wished for the pain to leave.

Fuck this.

Fuck being alone.

Fuck hurting so much.

-

There was a knock on the front door of my apartment, and my head shot away from the TV to look at the closed door. I glanced at the clock against my wall, staring at the door again in confusion.

The knock repeated.

I hesitantly made my way over to the door. And, upon looking through the peephole, I was suddenly even more confused.

"Rafael?" I asked in confusion when I had opened the door. He had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat, his eyes were swollen and red. He sniffed, letting himself inside.

"I'm sorry to bother you. I... well," he scoffed at his own thoughts while I could only watch him.

His mouth was on mine before I could even realize what was happening, is hands griping my shoulders as he held onto me. I stumbled backwards, hitting the wall as a result.

"I'm honestly fed up with being where I am in my life and not having anything to show for it. And I'm really sick of watching how the days go by, knowing that I don't have you at my side. And I'm really fucking tired of feeling like I'm drowning all the time," I heard his voice crack when he spoke, my heart breaking for him. "And everything hurts. So fucking much," he chocked out on a sob.

There were small tears streaming down his face. And I felt like there was absolutely nothing I could do. So, I simply held him. I held him that night until the sun rose. Neither of us having said another word to each other.

I didn't know what was wrong, but God, I hoped that I could help.


End file.
